It Doesn't Matter
by lovejill
Summary: oneshot. It doesn't really matter anymore... An epilogue of sorts to a story not yet completed.


**Author's Note:** I randomly got inspired to write this today. It's a one-shot. Any questions? Just Ask me.

**It Doesn't Matter**

Did you ever get the chance to ask your mother about me coming for Christmas? And did you ever actually send that letter to your father? It's sort of pointless for me to mention it, but your ex-girlfriend wont leave me alone. She seems to think that since you broke up with her however many years ago that we are now entitled to be best friends. I never really understood why you couldn't stand her. I thought she seemed nice- from a distance. She's psycho! Honestly, I don't know how you managed to put up with it for however long you did- plus all of the years in school... and your childhood- I'm pretty sure your parents were friends.

Anyway, I really miss you. Harry and Ron have noticed. They're spending a lot more time around here. I think they're afraid that I'll go crazy without you here. Or something like that. Who knows? They're pretty good company. Harry can share his stories while Ron cooks. Did you know that he can cook? I sure didn't; hell, I was scared to eat anything he cooked at first. Ron said it was because I wouldn't eat anything at all. Which wasn't true. I'd eaten whenever I found the time. Did I tell you what I've been doing lately? Well, no, I guess I haven't since I'm writing to you for the first time.

I've been working in the café. We've got a whole new menu planned for the winter. Jane has been good about all of the new stuff we're working on. She's our new pastry chef, by the way. I'm not sure that you got the chance to meet her. Other than working in the café, I've been out buying new books for the library. It's nearly done now, which makes me very excited. Ron and Harry hardly let me out of their site, but the library is one of the few places where they wont bother me. There have been a lot of photographers following me too, but I ignore them quite well.

It's sort of weird not having you here. I was so used to curling up next to you right before we went to bed. And our wedding. Wasn't it beautiful? That was probably the best day of my life. Everyone was there! Your parents, my parents, school friends, work friends, even the minister came! It's nice to think back to great memories we shared. It's sad that we're never going to have children of our own. I always thought that I'd have at least one, but never mind that.

Some days I feel like crying. It's scary being alone in such a big house. Even with Harry and Ron here, it just doesn't feel right. I tried to explain it to them, but all they did was tell me to go buy a dog. I wish you were here so that everything would be alright again.

I can't help but be a little angry with you. All of this is your fault. The reason you're gone. The reason I'm followed everywhere I go. The reason why everything around me is falling apart. Or maybe it's just me.

Did they pressure you to do it? Did they _threaten_ you? What would ever make you do that? Why would you do that to me? Why would you betray everything we worked so hard on? We could have had everything. A nice house, a happy marriage, great jobs, great kids. You threw it all away, not only for you, but for me as well. I'm sorry for this. I never intended to write anything negative about you in this letter. I wanted to write it to make myself feel better. To help move on.

Did I tell you that Ginny's pregnant again? Harry really wants this one to be a boy, since they already have four girls. And Lavender and Ron are working really hard to have one. It's weird that they are having trouble conceiving, even though Ron's mom had seven or eight of her own.

Lavender has been teaching me how to cook. It's really fun and messy. I don't think you'd be very happy if you came home to the mess that we make. Molly's been over to help as well. She likes to feel needed, so I let her stay for as long as she wants. It's nice having her around because she actually cleans up her own mess, unlike Lavender.

My life is a mess that even I can't clean up. Being surrounded by people is suffocating, especially when they watch my every move and what they say to me, afraid that I'll break like a China doll. They're scared that if they leave me alone, I'll off myself. Sometimes I'm scared that if they leave me alone, I'll off myself. But only sometimes.

Your father and mother are coming to visit tomorrow. They haven't been around much. Your father's law firm is one of the best around here. Weird isn't it? Only because of his past and such. When your mother is here she hardly talks, and she walks around as if she still owns the place. But I don't let it bother me. I let her do whatever she pleases until finally she gets bored with me and leaves. Your father likes to walk around with his hands clasped behind his back, as though he is studying everything around him. He asks about you sometimes. One time he asked me if we had a good marriage. And then why we never had children. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we never got the chance to. It was like you were here and gone too soon. I gave you my heart, and you ran away with it.

Did you really love me? I know, it's a little too late to be asking that. It doesn't really matter anymore now that you're dead.

_Hermione Malfoy_

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Anything? Anything at all? Comments. Suggestions. FLAMES OF DOOM?!?!?!? Just review it. 


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